KID TALK: Nia Long Says Women Need To Be "Responsible" & "Not Have A Baby To Collect Checks" + Tiffany Evans Welcomes BABY GIRL!

Sep 27 | by Natasha

Nia Long has some words for women who plan to become a parent. Even though she's caught flack herself for having two kids (Kez Sunday & Massai, Jr.) by two different men and both out of wedlock, she maintains she's done everything to look out for the safety of her kids. And other women should do the same.

Her comments about why women shouldn't have babies just to collect checks, plus singer Tiffany Evans delivers her baby girl...

Fab actress Nia Long made her way to D.C. last week for the Congressional Black Caucus Annual Leadership Conference festivities. And she spoke to The Root at the Planned Parenthood CBCF luncheon about how she will be cracking down on her two sons when the topic of sex enters their lives.

She revealed, "As soon as I think anything's going on, there will be a big sit-down and a box of condoms!"

But she had some real words for certain women who use their kids as a means for money. And she defends the fact she has two children out of wedlock, yet still raises her children with the utmost safety and security both emotionally and financially. And her man, Ime Udoka, is indeed co-parenting:

"I think women need to be responsible before making the choice [to become a parent] and do it for the right reasons. If you're going to have a baby to save a relationship, that doesn't work. If you're going to have a baby to collect a check from someone else, that's not the right thing. You have to be responsible and be able to stand on your own," said Long.

Oh.

In other news, singer Tiffany Evans, formerly signed to Mathew Knowles' record label, just welcomed her and her husband's first baby. It's a girl! Tiffany tweeted:

She's here 6/13 oz Happiest day of my life...

Sweet. Congrats!

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Comments

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I agree with each1Teach1...

I agree with each1Teach1... Miss Long (not marrIed) is the last person to give advice to anybody. Rich or not she should have thought about her own actions.

by the one
5:57 pm - Sep 28, '12

A woman should want a husband

A woman should want a husband and father for their children as opposed to having them alone. It takes a man and a woman create a child for a reason. Nia is suggesting a woman should be able to afford a child alone but raising children requires more than money. How can you teach them by example to be a husband or a wife if you aren't one yourself? where will that leave the future? Does anyone respect families today? Wow...

by Jessica
10:15 am - Sep 28, '12

Good points, Thank U....but

Good points, Thank U....but Nia makes her statements since she's an actress w/funds others prob don't have...Nia needs to have a seat because her MIA dude seems Gay...#js

by star
1:43 pm - Sep 28, '12

nia is right I got preggo 3

nia is right I got preggo 3 times to try to keep my man but he still left....

by Saucy AND Sweet
1:13 am - Sep 28, '12

I have no problem w/ the

I have no problem w/ the message but I do have a problem w/ the messenger. The fact that I am not married and don't have kids comes from my upbringing and what I was taught by my parents and my own personal choices in life. I do agree that a lot of women should plan better before they have kids. I just think coming from Nia Long she has her own motives for speaking about this issue. All I have to say is she is very Bitter! #1 She has no career and a couple years ago she went on a RANT about not being enough acting roles in Hollywood for black females and went on to talk about why is Halle Berry getting all the roles. I saw the interview and she was hating. Big Time! Miss Bitter Betty also went on about Beyonce and why are singers who can't act are getting acting roles. Her rant come from pure jealousy! Trust me Nia Long did not stay RELEVANT in hollywood long enough to get the pay checks that people like Halle Berry get or people like Zoe Saldana and Keri Washington are now making. Nia can have a seat because she was looking for a SPONSOR for a long time and now I bet that check from that NBA player is making life a whole lot better. Let's name other POTENTIAL SPONSERS that did'nt "pan out so well". Will Smith, Chris Webber,Chris Tucker, Kevin Phillips,Kendu Isaacs,Mick Jagger, broke ass Peter Thomas, Larenz Tate,Cuttino Mobley and Alfonso Ribero. Not to mention both her baby father's. Good message Nia but honey you are not the right one to deliver the message. People who have never been married and have 2 baby father's can have 2 seats and should not comment on morals! No one wants advise from a Hussy like her!

by Shay
8:20 pm - Sep 27, '12

I dont blame Nia! STFU and

I dont blame Nia! STFU and stop worrying about what I do with mine, when you have some women out there having babies to keep a man. You have countless women EVERYDAY throughing themselves at these NBA, NFL, UFC, Boxing, Baseball, Actors, and hell whoever is collecting a big check men. Please! And you worried about mine. #GetItTogether.

by toomuch
7:31 pm - Sep 27, '12

So hard on Nia but nothing

So hard on Nia but nothing but excuses for Lauren Hill and Erykah Badu.........Hmmmmmmn. I wonder why, think I know but whatever. Morals and Values are fluid around these parts its all depends on who committed the sin. SMDH

by Kai
7:29 pm - Sep 27, '12

Nia...Like, seriously?! Are

Nia...Like, seriously?! Are you for real, honey? Isn't this exactly what you JUST did?! I lost respect for Nia a long time ago, back when she was in the middle of that mall brawl with the two dudes arguing over her nasty, classless ass in GA. She's the LAST chick who's qualified to self appoint herself as the ambassador of a women's lib movement. She's such a hypocrite, a big wide...loose pussy wit no walls...hypocrite. Hoe, sit DOWN!

by Carmen CaBoom
7:14 pm - Sep 27, '12

I will give her a pass only

I will give her a pass only based on her age: at 40-something, I can't really blame her for giving her son a sibling, and if she is lucky enough to have a healthy, happy and beautiful baby at that age, I can't help but be happy for her.

by PR22
7:01 pm - Sep 27, '12

I AGREE with Nia's statement,

I AGREE with Nia's statement, I just wish it would have come from a woman who DIDN'T have 2 kids out of WEDLOCK, or has NEVER been MARRIED!! Men are NOT stupid (WEAK, but NOT stupid), if you DON'T want to get "TRAPPED" WEAR A CONDOM, NEVER take the word of ANY woman about HER PROTECTION/CONTRACEPTION! Once you put that baby in her belly, YOU HAVE NO (LEGAL) RIGHT TO TELL HER WHAT TO DO WITH IT!!

by tori
4:04 pm - Sep 27, '12

I think some women get

I think some women get offended and they feel judged when then this topic comes up, because alot of them are in this situation and they feel like people are coming down on them or trying to bash them, and they're like, I should've, could've, would've, but I didn't, so shut the f--k up, because what you're saying is not helping me right now. When I say what I say, it's not to bash anyone or make anyone feel bad in anyway, it's really directed to the ones that haven't gotten themselves in that situation yet. Give your child the opportunity to have a two parent household. At the end of the day, you hold the most power. You know right off the bat if a guy is financially stable, ambitious, has something going for himself, respectful and wants the family lifestyle. Stop settling!!! Alot of women don't have standards and I just don't get it. After you found and married the guy that you thought was the ideal husband/father and he turns around and show you a completely different person, then that's not your fault. At least you could look back on it and say you did your part and you have no regrets. Also, have something going for yourself and have your own money so if he does bounce, you'll be cool financially. Not saying don't take his ass for child support, but at least you want have to stalk the mailman.

by Ms.Thangfromthe...
3:48 pm - Sep 27, '12

THERE YOU GO SISTA!!!!!!!!Now

THERE YOU GO SISTA!!!!!!!!Now you talking letsgetit language!!I've taught you well :). I always say THE BLACK WOMAN have the power TO BUILD A NATION or DESTROY IT because with or without a man SHE IS OUR FIRST TEACHER!!We live through her!! That's why the system helps black women destroy the community by giving them all these programs to make them feel as if they don't need us. I mean the government gives women alot of power BECAUSE THEY KNOW IF YOU GOT THE BLACK WOMAN you pretty much got the whole black community in your hand. Black women aren't settling at all, that's just the type of dudes they like , that's the "Swag" they like. If a black woman wanted a good man with a career and ambition BEST BELIEVE SHE COULD HAVE ONE!!!But instead they fuck with bums and create more bums in the community..........."After you found and married the guy that you thought was the ideal husband/father and he turns around and show you a completely different person, then that's not your fault." Agreeeddddddd i always say this, after you married IT'S ALL ON THE MAN FROM THEREEEEEEE. If you aint married and just have kids all over the damn place WHERE IS THE REAL CONNECTION BESIDES SEX, and why would you expect something out of a man if he was the type to drop his seed and bounce???THAT'S WHY I SAY THE WOMAN CHOICEEEEE IS CRUCIALLLLL AND AFTER THAT IF THEY GET MARRIED, IT'S ALL ON THE MAN.

by LetsGetIt
4:12 pm - Sep 27, '12

LetsGetIt, "Like" the new fb

LetsGetIt, "Like" the new fb page if you're even on fb, "Memphis - Ish I Don't Like". It's just starting today and it's basically a page to post your gripes about the city and ratchet folk in it.

by Carmen CaBoom
7:17 pm - Sep 27, '12

lmao!!! Forreal, let me go

lmao!!! Forreal, let me go check this out lol.

by LetsGetIt
7:19 pm - Sep 27, '12

I never understand women who

I never understand women who say "I'll have his baby but I ain't trying to marry him." Isn't having children a bigger commitment than getting married? You can always get a divorce but children are FOREVER! And why is it that so MANY women spend longer picking a shade of nail polish they like than deciding who the father of their child will be? And then they want to be like, "oh my God, raising a baby is so hard." You damn right it's hard! It's hard because it was meant to be a TWO person job! Girls need to get they life and stop with all the foolishness!

by DesignDiva
3:14 pm - Sep 27, '12

I agree with what Nia said

I agree with what Nia said BUT it's hard to ignore the fact that she has never been married and has two kids by two different men. She ofcourse supports them financially but I'm just saying... This is on the frindge of a stones/glass house situation.

by Denise2007
2:03 pm - Sep 27, '12

Was that stab at Tiffany,

Was that stab at Tiffany, Natasha....lol

by Classic87
1:42 pm - Sep 27, '12

unless a woman is raped, it's

unless a woman is raped, it's 100% OUR FAULT if we get Preggo (no excuses).

by LisaRaye's Subc...
1:39 pm - Sep 27, '12

Agreed. We're not robots.

Agreed. We're not robots. Whether married or not, having kids is a responsibility that should be thoroughly thought out. And if it happens to be an "oops", then we still take responsibility for that a child.

by holmesa925
2:17 pm - Sep 27, '12

I wonder why ppl keep asking

I wonder why ppl keep asking and why she keeps agreeing to answer these questions. wassup with a movie or a tv show, homie?

by shuga
1:35 pm - Sep 27, '12

when young Preggo girls get

when young Preggo girls get married to save face (like Solange Knowles), you're only fooling yourselves and when you get a divorice I laugh at you

by LisaRaye's Subc...
1:31 pm - Sep 27, '12

Nia Long stated the truth,

Nia Long stated the truth, she takes care of her children two fathers or not. She has her own money and doesn't need a dude to contribute except maybe emotionally for his sons. Women that get pregnant only to be lazy, sit on their ass, and take advantage of the system are scum! Oh and I'm sorry but I can't be happy for Tiffany Evans. 19 years old is too young to be married and having babies. She has her whole life ahead of her, why throw your youth away so young only to be tied down? It doesn't make sense to me. I know girls who did this right out of high school, I always figured it was because they weren't going to college and felt like they had no promising future ahead of them (but everyone can have a promising future). Sad.

by Crazy Sexy Cool
1:29 pm - Sep 27, '12

A man should want to take

A man should want to take care of his child emotionally and financially. Whether Nia Long or any women has money or not. Responsibility of parenting should be shared between TWO parents. Not all women who are pregnant are looking for a handout or sitting at home being lazy. That's STUPID to generalize. Men need to take RESPONSIBILITY also!

by Miss.MiamiOne
4:09 pm - Sep 27, '12

I did not say all women who

I did not say all women who get pregnant are looking for a handout. I implicitly stated that if a woman does get pregnant that she shouldn't use it as an excuse to be lazy. And yes a man should be held responsible for his child, but at the end of the day most mothers are left holding the bag because the guy high tailed it out of town. It's your body so therefore you should be responsible for it. A woman can't just leave when she gets pregnant, but a guy can before she has the baby. So yeah it is mostly our responsibility.

by Crazy Sexy Cool
5:59 pm - Sep 27, '12

A man should want to take

A man should want to take care of his child emotionally and financially. Whether Nia or any woman has money or not. Responsibility of parenting should be shared between two parents. Not all women who get pregnant are looking for a handout or lazy. It's stupid to generalize because every situation is different. Men should take RESPONSIBLITY also!

by Miss.MiamiOne
3:32 pm - Sep 27, '12

What exactly did she say that

What exactly did she say that was so bad? Women SHOULD'NT use babies to save a relationship OR to get a check. And what do the fahers of her kids have to do with anything? Her kids are 10 years apart. Millions of people have children with people who they end up breaking up with later. Does that mean you can never have anymore kids? GTFOH.

by Lana Gebson
1:23 pm - Sep 27, '12

Um, NONE of what Nia said was

Um, NONE of what Nia said was wrong. You people keep bringing up she has two kids by different men BUT HAVE YOU REALIZED her oldest son is YEARS OLDER than her youngest?! SHE ONLY HAS TWO. She didn't pop out babies in less than 5 years. Clearly she's responsible. Some of you posting are jealous. Probably got pregnant to collect checks but that didn't go as planned. Had a baby to "trap a man" but clearly, it didn't work for yall. Haha What she said was right and a lot of you don't plan parenting. She's not married, and I myself would do prefer to BEFORE I become pregnant but she's doing what works for her. She only has two kids and can take care of them. Good for her.

by Mercedes Carter
1:18 pm - Sep 27, '12

Thank you Mercedes!

by KENNEDY78
2:57 pm - Sep 27, '12

nia, you know i love you

nia, you know i love you girl...hell, we ALL love you ever since "love jones", but did i miss something here??? you have two sons by two DIFFERENT men and you have the nerve to talk about responsibility? what the hell is going on in the black community...sistas, we HAVE to do better. nia has to be one of the most beautiful women in america and she can't get married??? she thinks that THIS is the better way? what kind of example is she setting for her boys? and just because you have the financial means of providing for your children doesn't mean that they won't pay the emotional cost of being the product of a broken home. do we as a community NO LONGER understand the value and importance of marriage, or the importance of our children seeing their fathers and mothers under the same roof, or the emotional, spiritual and mental stability and that the sanctity of the traditional family provides???? what the hell!!! and THAT conversation about condoms and sex is supposed to be had with their fathers, herein lies part of the problem with SOME of our black men now...they don't know how to think like "REAL" men, talk like men, act like men, behave like men or treat a woman like a man is supposed to because their mommas got them walking, talking, thinking and ACTING like women! (see lil scrappy). yes i'm a black woman and i'm calling a spade a spade. black women are ALWAYS crying about "there are no good black men," well how the HELL are we gonna have good black men when "we" keep having these boys out of wedlock, and without their fathers around???? and black women, take your tiddys out of their mouths, you don' chased the daddy away, you didn't find a replacement father-figure for him, the least you can do is take your damn TIDDY out of his mouth and stop smothering our sons!!! we have a bunch of grown azz, black men still thinking and acting like lil boys, thanks to their over bearing mothers. there is a purpose for men you know, God DID create them for a reason black women. stop hijacking your children's lives, you have a role and their fathers have a role. so even though i hate to say it, nia can take that lil speech about responsibility and go have a seat somewhere. and furthermore, she shouldn't be surprised if they become baby daddies, and make her a grandmother in ten years because she has clearly taught her sons that there is NO value in marriage?!! black people, black people...Jesus Christ, can we do better????? *palm over my face, and shaking my d*mn head*

by EACH1TEACH1
1:15 pm - Sep 27, '12

A lot of people have children

A lot of people have children in a marriage and it doesn't work out. Years later, they'll have another child with their new partner/spouse. Nia chose to have another baby YEARS (11-13) after she had her first and ONLY child. She's not irresponsible and a hypocrite. She clearly made decisions for herself that were sensible. Her oldest kid is now a preteen and her youngest is a baby. (sarcasm) "Woooooww, OMG, she's SUCH A WHORE" No, she's smart. I do agree, women can't raise men but both parents should have an influence on their children. Girls deserve their moms and dads just as much as a boy deserve both his mom and dad. The ideal plan is to get married before having babies but Nia is an exception compared to some women out here. Having babies back to back. Collecting all types of aid. Yes, a daddy should have the sex talk with their son but my mom spoke to my brother about it as well as me. My dad had it with my brother too. It's always good to have two perspectives and constant reinforcement.

by Mercedes Carter
1:31 pm - Sep 27, '12

"A lot of people have

"A lot of people have children in a marriage and it doesn't work out." nia was NOT married to either of the son's father, she CHOSE to have those boys out of wedlock. "She clearly made decisions for herself that were sensible." you're absolutely right, those decisions were for HERSELF, and that is extremely selfish. "The ideal plan is to get married before having babies but Nia is an exception." why is she an exception? because she's beautiful, and because she's an actress???? at the core, we are ALL the same, ALL children need the love, support, validation, and presence of BOTH parents. so even if you are right about her being an exception, her children are not! they are still human beings in need of both parents.

by EACH1TEACH1
6:00 pm - Sep 27, '12

When I said "A lot of people

When I said "A lot of people have children in a marriage and it doesn't work out." I followed that with "Years later, they'll have another child with their new partner/spouse." I meant, people might have a child/children with one person then years later have another one or more children with another person. There's nothing irresponsible or selfish about doing that if you can provide for your children. Nia's oldest son is very much older than her youngest. She only has two children, so she wasn't wrong for having her second child with another man. Did Massai sr. have with another woman after Nia gave birth to their son? Is he selfish if he had another child? Yes, if he knew before the time he wouldn't have been able to provide for that kid. Nia's not an exception because of her beauty. I'm sure Nia allows her oldest son's father in his life. That's what I meant by exception. My parents married and after they divorced they found ways to co-parent. It's not ideal to not be married before having children but people can divorce and still not agree on a way to raise their children. Just because someone was married to another person before they had their child/children does not mean they'll agree on how to raise their children if they divorce after. Peoples' principles change as years go on from learning from experience for one and sometimes people just don't want to compromise. Which is what is selfish. If Nia hasn't compromised on how to raise Massai with his father, which neither you or I know, then she might be selfish. I say might because it takes two to tango. Every couples' different. Just because you're married or WERE married to the father/mom of your child doesn't mean you'll get along. That's why I think the best thing is compromise.

by Mercedes Carter
10:49 pm - Sep 27, '12

mercedes, i hear u, but this

mercedes, i hear u, but this is ALL i'm trying to say is this...look around u, look at us, look at the state of the black family, the black child, the relationship between the black woman and man. if you take an HONEST assessment, you must admit that we have destroyed our family unit with our loose morals and lack of responsibility. as a result, are children, our finances, our health, our future and our relationships are suffering. nia is a celebrity and that carries enormous clout in our community, A LOT of women are going to take to heart what she says because a lot of women admire her. whether it's 20 years later or not, having children out of wedlock damages the fragment of the "family". i have NO problem with the message that she put out there, as a professional "baby momma" herself, i have a problem with her, the messenger. what she is doing is hella destructive, it sends the wrong message, and then she makes excuses and validates what she is doing. life happens, NOBODY is saying that life will be perfect or that it will turn out the way we would ideally want it to. but when we freely and consciously make decisions that are not the best, we should not then turn around, climb on a high horse, and judge other women. she is in NO position to be throwing stones when her ENTIRE house is made of glass. what nia and halle and the rest of these women are doing is further damaging the black family and the black race. if u can't see that then i don't know.....

by EACH1TEACH1
1:03 pm - Sep 28, '12

Your argument is Nia decided

Your argument is Nia decided to not marry. The conflict is Nia didn't address marriage. She was obviously only addressing unmarried and wanting to have babies. Married women can't collect checks. Any woman who gets married then has her and her husband's baby/babies with the intention to use money he supplies for the baby for herself is a twisted individual. For you and me, yes, getting married before starting a family is ideal. However, people can still be able to make great decisions on how they'll provide for their children whether they were married before having them or not. Her having not been married did not mean she kept her oldest son's father away from him. If she's not married to Ime Udoka in the next few years, hopefully they'll come with agreements on how'll they'll co-parent. How long was Nia with her oldest son's dad? Unfortunately, especially with the value of marriage today a couple might get married and have a baby then 5 years later be divorced. The intent in getting married is to have a loving relationship but sometimes things get sour. Maybe I think this way because after my parents divorced my mom didn't push my father away from my brother and I. I know it's possible for women to not be with a man and still raise great children. It's sad not every couple stays together. My wish is that parents would stay in love with each other forever. Unfortunately, not everyone wants to or knows how to work things out. The most important thing is maintaining respect for the parent of your child/children so the kid/kids can keep a relationship with them. That means, not speaking badly about the mom/dad in the presence of your kids, not constantly postponing/cancelling plans to allow the mom/dad to see their kid. Try not to start arguments with the other parent if you're no longer together. If you have disagreements, try to resolve them as best as possible. Not coming to agreements is what can ultimately destroy a kid. How do you think Kimora Lee and Russell Simmons work things out? They seem to have a great respect for each other and know the children need both parents. They might have disagreements, but they don't allow them to become so big where they don't allow their children to see the other parent. Not that we've seen. It's possible for Nia to have a great relationship with Massai's father. Hopefully she'll continue to have one with Ime.

by Mercedes Carter
7:06 pm - Sep 28, '12

Tell me what she said that

Tell me what she said that was wrong? Honestly? Not because she doesn't fit into the perfect mold of married with 2.5 children means that she has no idea what she's talking about. Notice she never addressed anything about having children out of wedlock-then folks could say she has no right to talk! I mean its obviously not the perfect situation to have two children by two different fathers, but if it doesn't work out the first time around or that man turns out to be an asshole should you continue having his children instead of moving on in order to find something better? If he's not a good parent to one why would her be a better one to two or three?All she's saying is don't have children for the wrong reasons. Make sure you will be able to support that child on your own and not depend on some child support cheque because we all know how quickly a man can change! You'll never see a certain side of him until you're pregnant or even worse after the child is born. You have to be prepared to be everything to that child, because after all they didn't ask to be here and will be the ones to suffer because of their parents' mistakes.

by allidee
12:53 pm - Sep 27, '12

all i'm saying is, as a woman

all i'm saying is, as a woman who has chosen to have two children by two different men, nia has NO business talking about women who use their children as pawns. we all know that crap is trifling and disgusting, but honestly, that crap is trifling as well. she has stated very emphatically that she has no desire to get married and sees NO problems with her having these children out of wedlock. just because she can provide for them financially doesn't mean that they will grow up being complete human beings. nobody's perfect, and nobody's life is perfect, if this is the road she has chosen or the cards she has been dealt, so be it. but she doesn't have the right to stand on a high horse and look down her nose at other women because her situation is not as perfect as she thinks it is. just saying.

by EACH1TEACH1
6:14 pm - Sep 27, '12

Life is so lonely .I am a

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by tom030
12:46 pm - Sep 27, '12

Its 2012, marriage is a flat

Its 2012, marriage is a flat out ass joke today! Point Blank Period! Ppl get married for the wrongs reasons, simply to say they had a wedding and other dumb ish that is totally irrelevant. I'm not saying I'm against marriage but if this woman has chose not to be married, I ain't mad at her....She clearly can afford to take care of her kids and so can the dad...if co parenting works for them then great...I get tired of women bashing independent woman simply because they chose to not marry on the fly. Most couples dont even start discussung marriage until they have a child, which means they are startig the marriage off wrong any way.. If the child wasn't here marriage wouldn't even be an option. I would rather see a non married mother and father work work peacefully to give that child the best life as oppose to a married family arguing and fight and stepping out because they only got married because of the kids! Sorry children is not a good enough reason for me to marry a man, especially if i am able to hold my own. Nothing wrong with her looking for the total package...Everybody don't want to be the "Mrs."

by Anonymously Speaking
12:26 pm - Sep 27, '12

If you can't get married ,

If you can't get married , you shouldn't be having kids!!That's just my opinion though. You can't be indepdent WITH A CHILD ya can't , man or woman!! I mean i think it's odd for a woman to say SHE CAN HAVE A MAN'S KIDSSSS BUT WON'T MARRY THE MAN SHE HAVING CHILDREN WITH!!! And that a childddddddd isn't a good reason to marry a man??? Wow, is this what the future is looking like for black america???Damn we fucked upppp!!!

by LetsGetIt
1:03 pm - Sep 27, '12

i CAN'T believe that other

i CAN'T believe that other women are on here praising this foolishness! when did we get to the point as a race when we stopped seeing, believing, and knowing the value of marriage?! this new wave of the nias and halles having these babies and giving the men the boot is as naive and destructive as anything else in the black community...just because YOU didn't have a father doesn't mean your kids don't want THEIR fathers!!! we've got to do better.

by EACH1TEACH1
6:18 pm - Sep 27, '12

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now you see why I get on these black women??? Now you seee, because like you just said "this new wave of the nias and halles having these babies and giving the men the boot is as naive and destructive as anything else in the black community." Agreed!!! And It is the most destructive attitude if you ask meeee, thats what got our community looking like shit in the first place, got negros calling their community in chicago"Chiraq" with prideeeee!!!Because the black community don't value balance and good men at all!!

by LetsGetIt
6:45 pm - Sep 27, '12

lol! keep fighting the good

lol! keep fighting the good fight bruh. but u have to understand, we are the product of our upbringing and a LOT of my fellow sistas are products of broken homes. when u didn't have or see your parents as husband and wife, that model and concept is haaaard to understand. it's hard to see the value of it and it's easy to accept the destruction that comes from it. most of our kids are growing up with their mothers so there is that built in hatred for their fathers that flows over to the brothas in our communities. that's why i stay on the topic of the "family". it's cute to some women that nia can be a professional baby momma as long as she can take care of them financially. but what about their emotional, spiritual and mental wellbeing? i don't care how much money you have, if your father is NOT in your life, you are losing as a child. what is the likelihood of them becoming baby daddies, and their children becoming the same thing....the chances are HIGH. we're repeating this vicious cycle over and over and over again. but keep fighting my brotha, just try to not be so harsh :)

by EACH1TEACH1
1:12 pm - Sep 28, '12

LetsGetIt, I know I have had

LetsGetIt, I know I have had my battles with you and we have not seen eye to eye, but you are SPOT ON with this comment. I never understood how a woman would consider having a baby by a man, to whom she will forever been attached to because of said child(ren), but said man is not marriage material? Why have a baby by a man who is not marriage material? I agree with you 100, here. Don't have a baby by a man you would not consider marrying because, like it or not, that child will forever attach you to him.

by Sunflower Jones
2:05 pm - Sep 27, '12

It is what it is sista, but i

It is what it is sista, but i saw a post by you below saying the other young lady is too young to be getting married and that getting married and having kids is not the game. IT SHOULD BE THE GAME, i mean my grandmoms was about 16 when she got married "back in the 30's ofcourse" and was with my grandpops till he died. 19 isn't to young to be married, SHIT I'D RATHER THESE females out here GET MARRIED FIRST before having children!!!! I mean how to fuck can you become one through sex with a person WITHOUT FIRST create a covanent with one another , DON'T MAKE SENSE!!!Alot of these young hoes just have sex cause they friends is doing it , like the wrong type of niggas CAUSE THEY friends like the wrong type of dude. And the cycle continue.....I mean he leave her with a child because IT WAS NO REAL ATTACHMENT TO HER, SHE WAS JUST A NUT FOR HIM!!!!!And their offspring end up being the same way!!

by LetsGetIt
2:42 pm - Sep 27, '12

LetsGetIt, let me ask you:

LetsGetIt, let me ask you: What would most 19 year old's bring to a marriage/child? The more I think about marriage and the hard work it takes to make it work, the more I realize why most end in divorce. Again. society glamorizes love, marriage and having babies, but in the real world, what's love got to do with it? P.S. Let me add, marriage can be a beautiful thing. I'm pro-marriage, and definitely pro getting married before babies.

by Sunflower Jones
2:54 pm - Sep 27, '12

LetsGetIt, the days of our

LetsGetIt, the days of our grandparents are different from today. It's a different day and time. Let me explain: At 19, one is just maybe one year out of high school. She has nothing to bring to the table - no education, life experience, career or money. Getting married is not a joke. It's a life-long commitment. One must have maturity and something to bring to the table. Most 19 year olds don't even know who they are. They haven't discovered who they are. I say a person should travel the world, learn about who you are as a person, grow, get a career or something to fall back on in case the marriage dissolves. I would agree that marriage before babies is ideal, but what can a 19 year old offer a child when MOST (not all) 19 year old haven't lived life. Marriage is not a game. I know society loves to glamorize it. Having children is not a game. What can one offer a child if they aren't mature enough to pass along life experiences? They haven't even lived. Money has nothing to do with it. A parent is the bow, a child is the arrow. A parent must have something to offer the child. Children aren't a novelty. You feel me?

by Sunflower Jones
2:52 pm - Sep 27, '12

How is it different my

How is it different my grandmoms had a 3rd grade EDUCATION!!! But she also was the oldest and had to take care of her siblings. 19 is two years out of highschool, stop treating these young ladies as if their kids because they notttttt!! I mean , if i had a daughter that was 19 and she wanted to get married, ID RATHER HER GET MARRIED AND START A FAMILY, rather then just fucking all over the place with silly ass negros like majority of these black females are out here doing. I mean at the age of 15 and above THESE FEMALES SHOULD ALREADY know the game, and what they here for .Which is to serve their husbands and be a mother to their children THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT !!! But it's not like that today these females want to have fun, not too many females i know that's young trying to get married, but if they were HELL id say it's a good thing. It would be even better if they waited until they had sex. But getting married would just weed out the real and the fake when it comes to men CAUSE IF MEN DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED IT AINT HAPPENING. Now a female THAT CAME FROM A SINGLE PARENT HOME, OR A MALE THAT CAME FROM A SINGLE PARENT HOME SHOULDDDDDDDD NOTTT GET MARRIED AT 19 HELLLLLLLLLLL NOOOOOO, NO SEX NO NOTHINGGGGGG. But i say if a female and a male came from a home where it was a mother and a father and they had that balance THEN I SAY GO FOR IT. Shit if i had a daughter and she starts to date, IF THAT DUDE CAME FROM A SINGLE PARENT HOME, THEN I WOULDDDDDDDD NOT APPROVE OF HER DATING HIM. Because i know how they are, BECAUSE I CAME FROM A SINGLE PARENT HOME.

by LetsGetIt
3:57 pm - Sep 27, '12

I never said 19 year old's

I never said 19 year old's were kids. Again, you are so busy running your mouth, you fail to listen. I said they are STILL YOUNG! Do you understand that concept? I asked you a question, yet you failed to answer. I asked you, "What does a 19 year old bring to the table when it comes to marriage and babies?" "What can said 19 year old pass on to said children when they, themselves, don't even know who they are? "How can a 19 year old survive if said husband decides to leave (love doesn't always last) and she's left having to raise a child alone. Most 19 year old's have NO education or career. Now you tell me how she is prepared for something as serious as marriage. AGAIN, I'M NOT SAYING ALL YOUNG PEOPLE WHO GET MARRIED DON'T LAST. SOME DO, SOME DON'T. I would not advise my 19 year to have babies or get married until SHE IS PREPARED FOR SUCH. Love and romance aren't always glamorous. That's my point.

by Sunflower Jones
5:46 pm - Sep 27, '12

Most people graduate at 18,

Most people graduate at 18, so 19 is ONE year out of high school. They still have milk on their breath. What's wrong with waiting? It's not one or the others (regarding having babies out of wedlock or not). It's different because our grandparents grew up in a different generation. Most women, whether happily married or not, stayed with their spouses. Most women at a young age, were working and were much more mature than ones today. Many of them also died young. Nineteen is still young, LetsGetIt! At 19, having babies and getting married shouldn't even be on their minds. Again, WHAT'S WRONG WITH WAITING???? Again, you did not address the fact that most 19 year olds have not lived life. What can they bring to the table??? They have no career, We aren't talking about anecdotes like your or my grandparents. You are going off on a tangent, as usually, therefore, having a discussion with you is why I rarely interact with you. All I said was I agreed WITH YOUR ONE COMMENT. Other than that, proceed and engage with others because I don't have the energy to discuss something with someone who doesn't listen.

by Sunflower Jones
5:42 pm - Sep 27, '12

I know what you are saying

I know what you are saying but most children would prefer that their father live in the same house with them. Most women would prefer that there only be one last name on the mailbox.

by shuga
12:42 pm - Sep 27, '12